FEARLESS

SISTER:
I have to know that this is what my life is right now and that it could possibly change, and I have to go through it all without letting fear of loss get in the way or start doing major damage control or any of that. It's going to be a challenge.My natural response would normally be to push away and create a nice safe distance. But, then if I do that and she ends up staying then I won't be ready for the next stage.

 ME:

thats exactly how i feel with my relationship. I feel like all of the decisions in my life that i regret were made for the wrong reasons. but for now things are good and i just want to live in the present.

SISTER:

That's all you can do.

ME:

 i think about it alot, but i cant expect someone to arrange their life around mine if it isnt what they want. and while i'm sure it will hurt i have to keep myself from being mad about it.

SISTER:

 Well sister. We might be in the same boat at the same time.
 ME:

i've been in deep thought mode lately. there are SO many things that i've wanted to do but havent because i didnt want to jeapordize relationships.  but if someone really loves you, they are going to understand that you have to do what is best for your own life, regardless of how it may make them feel. the purpose of my life isn't to go around avoiding making the decisions that i need to make in order for my life to progress the way i want it to because i'm afraid it may hurt someone else. ive passed up so many opportunites already and i'm just not going to do that anymore.

ME:

  if i wouldve just not given up, or not been scared of taking the chances and making changes my life would be so much different right now.

SISTER:

There's a reason you're not there yet.
Trust.
Everyone has regrets and shoulda coulda's.You can't get bogged down in them.

ME:

 The fact of the matter is that change scares me.. being alone scares me. and those are the two things i'm probably going to have to do in order to make anything that i want happen.

SISTER:

You won't be alone. I'll be here.

You know those people who always seem to say what you need to hear when you hear it? Yeah, that.